If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The best revenge is premature balding
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize