Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
