Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
