absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
