I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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