My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
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I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
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I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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