Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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