I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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