i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
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just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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