this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
