I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
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I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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