How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize