What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
