I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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