Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
