I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was born a porn star she said
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
