I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize