after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
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Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.