Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers