And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana