is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great