We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
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I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
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When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?