the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate