the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
