I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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