Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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