first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
