she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
