I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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