I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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