I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
