I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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