I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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