The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
