Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.