why didn't you poke me back
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong