you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
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It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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