There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So many bounce houses so little time
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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