We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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