Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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