my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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