My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
