We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize