Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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