he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it