The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
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She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?