dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.