i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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