if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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