the condom got lost in my hair
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
