if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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