Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
