Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize