Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
