I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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