Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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