I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
