One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
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I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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