how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
nutella sex= disaster
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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